"I started to believe I wasn't good enough for anything"
Fast forward a few years to age 16 and to this day I couldn’t tell you exactly what happened but something was triggered and I started to believe that I wasn’t good enough - for anything. I left college and the joy of life just seemed to have left me. I took myself out of every social circle I was in so it was like I never existed - I just wanted to hide in my own world.
My life then deteriorated further - I lost loads of weight, weighing no more than 5 stone I looked like a walking skeleton and my skin was in the worst condition it had ever been in. I looked like a burns victim - my skin was weeping (everywhere) legs, torso, arms, back, face. My clothes would stick to me and I would have to sit in the bath to peel the clothes off me other wise the pain would be unbearable. Doing any kind of movement was excruciating as my skin would burn and sting and it constantly felt like my body was on fire.
The breakthrough happened when I broke down at my dermatologist appointment because I had literally lost the will to live - I was at the point of giving up on life completely. I was hospitalised for 4-5 weeks - and I made a great recovery - I started to feel happy again and most importantly my health had improved significantly. It was then that I decided to follow my heart and I researched performing arts schools.
I auditioned at a private college and I got in! To fund my passion I managed to get a job at the local cinema ..so that was my life for 3 years- dancing during the day then working till midnight at the cinema. Although I loved my life and the people in it, it was difficult at home - I mean …imagine being told every day - your life isn’t going anywhere, no one will give you a job because you are the wrong colour, ( I live with my family - its an Indian thing), ‘get a proper job!’- you know the drill.
So..how did I overcome it? Truth? I don’t know. Deep down I knew that everything was going to be ok and I had no fear - it was just a knowing (that’s not to say I didn’t have doubt days - because I did!) I was nowhere near the best compared to the other dancers. I knew I wasn’t - but I have a strong work ethic and that always saw me through any situation.
I had lots of dancing opportunities from P & O ferries , Radio roadshows to Theatres. I landed my first job in Devon and Cornwall as a Showcoat (Redcoat) - It was here I learned my presentation skills, DJing and hosting - this was a job where you never switched off! I worked in 4 different companies over the years doing more of the same - Devon, Norfolk/Suffolk (border) and Essex - A choreographer suggested I send my CV to her magician friend, whereby I was invited to audition and ….unfortunately I didn’t get it……however…. a few months later I received the magic phone call …. I got the job! One of the girls had dropped out and I was next on the standby list! I felt like I had won the lottery!
Sometimes the bosses covertly sat in the audiences every now and again to see how we were all doing - and it was here after the show they always said - “You were actually first on our list and it was your lack of confidence that had let you down at the audition - the job was yours”. Imagine my reaction! A girl that thought she wasn’t good enough - says it all! right?
" Deep down I knew everything was going to be ok, I had no fear"
I toured the UK as a magic assistant, spending the days on the beaches by the sea and performing in the evenings to packed out audiences. We laughed everyday…. I was lucky to meet world famous magicians, perform in theatres and was the one chosen to sing with Basil Brush on his summer tour.
I eventually came back home and have set up Pranava Dance & Pranava Well- Being. I have choreographed dances for exclusive weddings, the local community dance team for a national Raas/Garba (Indian Folk Dance) competition where they have been winning 1st Place for the past 4 years.
I am also an energy healer and have training in many different healing modalities. I enjoy facilitating well being workshops and love the relaxations at the end - I think that’s the only reason people come!
It’s never easy with troubled skin - you will have good days and bad days. I still had to perform every night no matter how I was feeling and that has made me stronger as a person. These experiences have taught me to push through any situation and facing it no matter what, I learned to focus on the task at hand and become totally aware of everyone around me. I also acquired the art of resilience - I had to.
My only advice is never give up - never surrender. Take a break if you have to, talk to someone and seek help if you need it.
I am not perfect - nobody is!
Go create your possibilities - Live from your from your heart - The right doors will open for you..
Only you know what is right for you…
Wishing you Love, Joy and Happiness!