​I think everyone experiences some kind of adversity in their life.
I’m still alive and both physically and emotionally healthy, so I can never claim that anything I’ve faced has done irreparable damage, and I certainly won’t claim that what I’ve been through as a woman is anywhere near as bad as what some women face in their personal or professional lives.
Everyone’s experiences are still important, though. They shape who we are, they shape what we do, and they shape how we treat other people as we make our way through life.

When I was asked to write this blog for Amy & Laura’s Wise Women series, I thought for a long time about what I could choose to focus my writing on:
The time I was bullied and threatened by a boss in one of my first post-grad roles, and was told by every other member of the all-female, all meek and mild, all sub-23 demographic of staff, that “This is what he does – this is why he hires us… it’ll be someone else in a few months and he’ll leave you alone.”
The time I got an (unpaid) promotion to a different site in a job I’d loved for years, to find that I was never invited to board meetings most of the time, and that I’d be told to “Shush, sweetheart” on the occasions my name was at least included on the agenda the rest of the time. Do I mention the arse grabbing? There’s not time...

​The time that I approached three separate senior women in that same organisation for help and support, following some fairly serious discrimination issues that even I – as a pretty piss-poor feminist – saw were happening to me because I was a woman, and getting resolutely told that “Nobody helped me get where I am and I have my own things to deal with”/ “I’m a serious business woman and don’t have time for silly little girl problems” / “Grow a thick skin and get used to it.”

I can look back and laugh, for sure, but the laughter does not mean I find any of it funny. I find it incredulous, and hate that these are the same women who will be automatically lauded for their feminist efforts simply because they hold a position of power in a male-dominated role or workplace.

I’m never sure what feminism really is or what it means, but in my book, the definition is that if any other girl or woman comes to you for help, advice or to simply cry out her heart because the mental load of anything and everything she’s going through is too much, you help them.

I’d respected those women so much prior to the point when I actually needed their help. If I’ve been fortunate enough to gain any other person’s respect in my life to this point, I will not let them down when it really matters.

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Grow a thick skin?
 No thanks. I’m proud of the one I’m in. 

Find out more about Jo at: https://agoodwriteup.com/ and @agoodwrite up on FB, LinkedIn and Twitter 


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Fast forward a few years to age 16 and to this day I couldn’t tell you exactly what happened but something was triggered and I started to believe that I wasn’t good enough - for anything. I left college and the joy of life just seemed to have left me. I took myself out of every social circle I was in so it was like I never existed - I just wanted to hide in my own world. 
 
My life then deteriorated further - I lost loads of weight, weighing no more than 5 stone I looked like a walking skeleton and my skin was in the worst condition it had ever been in. I looked like a burns victim - my skin was weeping (everywhere) legs, torso, arms, back, face. My clothes would stick to me and I would have to sit in the bath to peel the clothes off me other wise the pain would be unbearable. Doing any kind of movement was excruciating as my skin would burn and sting and it constantly felt like my body was on fire. ​

The inspirational Miranda King is chatting to us about her unwanted birthday present, and how she navigated through a sudden cancer diagnosis at 30...

September 26: Fertility was pulled into question as chemo can damage your ovaries. Children weren’t even on my mind at this point in my life but I also didn’t expect to have the option taken away from me. I had 48 hours to decide if I wanted to start IVF or go straight in to start chemo. I was lucky enough to have family support which gave me the financial opportunity to go through IVF. I am still extremely thankful for this and think about our potential mini-me’s often. 

September 28: My first day of Chemotherapy. I believe I was in denial for the first few months of my treatment. The only thing I allowed to change was that I chose to stop working so that I may concentrate on fighting this shitty disease. The days directly after a chemo session were spent on the sofa, unable to eat for 3 of them and Netflix became a great support. Once I started to feel better and before my next chemo session, I would still meet up with friends and even went once on a little holiday with my in-laws to Vancouver Island. This was such a wonderful time of joy for me, it gave me the chance to leave my home bubble for a spell and forget what was going on. My hair started falling out during that trip but I didn’t let it ruin the time.

October 22: We shaved my hair off. I had this whole idea to shave it off whilst friends watched, a make-up artist made me look like a warrior princess and a photographer took photos. In the end, I was in my tiny bathroom with one of my best friends and my mother-in-law whilst Finn did the shaving. We all ended up crying a lot in there. I did still have friends come over that evening and they still made me feel so amazing when I felt at one of my lowest points.

January 17: My last chemo appointment! By no means was the journey over but a really shitty and difficult part was. I don’t remember much from that day but I do remember feelings and some words. I had one of my best friends come with me to the appointment and we were both just smiling and laughing after the appointment. A nurse in the elevator smiled at us and said ‘This must be your last appointment, congratulations!’ and it was so nice of her to say so. It was a big deal!
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On pintrest? 
​Pin me!

 I was a young and enthusiastic ‘ready-for-the-world’ 23-year-old, fresh out of uni with my 2.1 law degree. I was engaged and felt like I was unstoppable. I got married a few months after graduation and then…it all came crashing down. 
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My 3.5-year marriage was a complete nightmare and one that sucked all my zest for life.  I had no self-worth and became a shadow of the person I truly am, was mentally abused to believe I was always the problem, distanced from friends and family, had to ask permission to visit my mum and tried to commit suicide at one point. 

I’d often blank out that part of my life.  It’s only been recently (6 years later) and after a lot of personal development that I’ve appreciated the saving grace from that time of my life.  My passion for photography.  I didn’t see it then but I had been perfecting the foundation of what would become my life’s passion. 

During my marriage I taught myself how to photograph in-action shots on a borrowed manual camera – something not many people can do these days!  After I got divorced I bought my own camera and things have soared since then.  I’ve photographed fashion shows, film sets, BBC short series, portraits, created some amazing creative mad max styled shoots, even photographed abroad, been featured in articles, done lives and am creating a thriving business for myself.

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I’ve rediscovered my self-worth (something that I will never let go of again) and realised how much my childhood trauma of abandonment has a big role to play.  Fear of abandonment can cause people like me to neglect ourselves and try to prove we’re loveable, wanted, are enough.  As a result, we allow ourselves to be mistreated because we so want to be loved and are willing to settle for crumbs when really we deserve SO MUCH more!

I’m now walking in my values, knowing that my dreams, voice and opinions matters. That I matter. My advice to other women is:
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• Know you are enough, you always have been and always will be. 

• Challenge the societal and cultural expectations we’ve learnt as children because they don’t serve us well as adults
• Don’t be afraid to take risks as success is outside the comfort zone.

• Difficult times are there to elevate us – find out what the lesson to learn is.

• A key self-care tip is to make sure you spend time on yourself whether that’s a nap, a walk in the park, reading a book, listening to music or gym.  It’s important for your mental sanity (trust me!)

 

To kick off our Womens Wisdom guest blog series we have the wonderful Amy from South Wales! 
Here's what she has to say: 

My hair began to thin around the time of my 21st birthday. Thinking I was dying it too much and using heat such as straighteners etc. I thought nothing of it. But as the days went on more and more hair started to fall out, it went for little bits on my pillow to waking up to clumps. Within about 4 weeks i lost 90% of my hair, it happened all so quick and I didn’t really have any explanations, I was left confused with what was happening to me. I went to the doctors 3 or 4 times and each time I left with the same answer, you have 'alopecia' no one knows how it is caused or triggered and theres nothing we can do to help it grow back. It’s unpredictable. 
I felt lost. Looking in the mirror was such a hard task, I looked so different, I was bald. A bald GIRL. I couldn't get my head around it. I felt like a freak, I felt ashamed. I felt my life was over, how could I go about as I normally did? How could I achieve things with the way I felt? How could I afford human hair wigs? I felt like every door was closed for me and my anxiety and depression got in the way of almost everything. ​

I still have my down days, everyone does. But I feel completely different now, I have a fiancee who stuck with my through the whole transition, he kept me calm told me I was beautiful and kept me focused on the import things in life. He was such a big help. We have a beautiful daughter now who keeps me busy and makes me realise that there is more to life than hair. I feel more empowered that I am myself, I have helped loads of people by doing some work with BBC news on alopecia, working with BBC sesh doing some sketches about the perks of alopecia (bring a positive vibe to the subject). Loads of people have messaged me and I have been able to guide them in the right direction to products, help, advice pages etc. It’s almost like I was given alopecia to help others going through the same thing. Although I felt awful at first, I did adapt very quick, I didn’t really have a choice. I'm the type of person who tries to make the most out of every situation and count my blessings. I'm still alive, still breathing. I have a roof over my head and friends and family who love me. It could be worse right?
I faced so many challenges at first. From not going out for weeks because I couldn’t come to terms with what I looked like. Not being able to answer the door, not feeling confident enough to go swimming or the gym. Getting used to wearing a wig, doesn't seem like much but when its not your own hair it gets so annoying and can come out of place, it can also become really itchy and irritating. At the time of loosing my hair I was forced to take time of work as I worked with food and my hair was falling out every time I turned my head. That was a big challenge to give up work as I’ve always kept busy and liked earning my own income. It was challenging coming to terms with the fact I had no control over the situation. I like to be in control and know whats going on not having that, or any answers was so frustrating. 

​Birthdays come around every year whether we want them to or not, and when you hit 25 they gradually start to bring you more and more pressure, a few more passing comments, ‘oh you are half way to 50’…’when are you going to settle down’. At 26, you’re closer to the big 3-0 than 20. Then roll on 27 and your 20s are looking more like a thing of the past. Laura had always quite liked the thought of being 26 years old. "Looking back, I remember being a wide eyed, worldly inexperienced 6-year-old and realising that, one day way off not so distant future, I would become 26 on the 26th July and I found this idea quite novel. I somehow knew back then that being 26 would rock and boy 6-year-old Laura wasn’t wrong." But now moving from 27 to 28 she is reflecting on yet another glorious year on this planet.
 
Amy turned 29 in May and has had a recent shift in her way if thinking about the dreaded 3-0…
‘Entering the last year of my 20's was an odd feeling, I felt like this was my last year to be young, to make mistakes and at 30 I should have my life together. Well this certainly isn't the case, purely just societies expectations making me feel this way. 20's, 30's, 40's...we are continuously learning and growing throughout life and there is no magic number that makes you an 'adult', no perfect moment where you sit there and think 'I'm here, everything is perfect and my life is complete'. Let’s face it, that would be boring, because then what would we do with ourselves. I am more excited than ever to turn 30, to get there and realise that when I wake up on my birthday I won't feel instantly different, or older, or incomplete, not having achieved the things I 'should have'. I will wake up, be grateful for another year and pour myself a large mimosa.
 
 
At the end of each calendar year we all tend to take the time to reflect, promise ourselves we will drop 5lbs, sign up for a gym membership we will stop using by February, NEVER DRINK AGAIN (until next time). We both like to do the same kind of thing each birthday. We feel like birthdays are a far more personal time to reflect on the past year, be grateful for what you have achieved and for the people in your lives. We like to set some goals and think about what our next year on this planet might look like.
 
 
Amy: My biggest life lesson this year would be learning the power of getting uncomfortable and leaning into uncertainty. I tend to need to know every little detail, ask anyone who knows me, I LOVE asking questions and digging deeper so I can fully understand things. In some respects, this is great, but when it comes to the big plan of 'life' there are too many unknowns. This initially didn't sit well with me, I needed to know where I would be, what I would be doing and when I would feel complete. I learnt very quickly that this doesn't exist, and instead of trying to find certainty in everything and everyone, I leant into uncertainty. It was unbelievably uncomfortable to let go, and I still have to teach myself everyday and remind myself that sometimes it's ok not to know how things will pan out, and that isn't a negative things, it is simply the beauty of life.
 
Laura: My biggest learning this year is that resting is just as an important part of the process (if not more important) as pushing forward and getting shit done. I started taking more time to listen to what my body was telling me and I hardly get ill now! I used to be one of those people who had tonsillitis every single month, sometimes multiple times. Now, I take days off when I feel I need to and it sets me up to be able to create my best work on the days when I feel good. You may think that means less work gets done but I have actually found the opposite! Warning: Its super important to find the balance and to know when you need to rest and when you are just procrastinating.
My goal for the next year is to help as many people as possible to achieve their own goals and to have massive impact on the lives of 30 people. I truly believe that having measurable goals is the way to achieve them. By saying 30 this gives me a number to work towards. And I can celebrate my wins along the way. This is something you might what to think about when goal setting.
 
 
A slice of Gratitude…
This year we feel so much gratitude. Gratitude for the opportunities that have arisen, the people we have met and the deep connections we have made.
We have met some wonderful beings and are grateful for everyone who has inspired us and helped us grow over the last 12 months.
 
We encourage you, no matter your age, to reflect on the past 12 months and make a list of everything you have achieved. Can’t think of anything; did you get a new job, a raise, keep your kids alive for another year, learn to bake a cake? It can be as big or as small as you like. Just start writing down all of your accomplishments may surprise you. It also feels pretty good to look at the list once you’re done.
 
Now you’ve reflected on your many achievements, think about the life you want to create for yourself in the coming 12 months and what steps can you take today to make it happen? Do you need to make more time to practice self care so you have the energy to do all the wonderful things you want to do? Take that next step right now. Want to learn how to drive? Research local instructors and get some prices. Want to travel? Open a separate savings account and look into where you want to go. Whatever your big goal is take a small step towards it right now. What are you waiting for?
 
Age is just a number and birthdays are going to come around no matter what so stop worrying about the things you can’t control and start living your life now. 

It's the year 2020, the year that will go down in history as the world came to a stand still. Everyone was blessed with the time and space to pause (terrifying right?) and we realised a large chunk of our lives were being lived based on other people’s expectations of us. Just sat under a cloud of ‘should’s’- buying houses, getting married, having babies, you name it, we should have been doing it. After some long conversations, we (Amy and Laura) realised, we, and so many women alike, were bloody exhausted of living life this way!


We put our heads together to create something wonderful during the Covid-19 pandemic, not only a place to channel our own energy during the long lockdown days, but with the question in mind ‘Who can we help out of the other side?’. We have both taken the time to dive deeper within ourselves and have over come so much during this turbulent time, and before for that matter, teaching ourselves every day tools that we practice daily to make life a little less stressful. We are constantly working towards being the best versions of ourselves (Disclaimer: this is something we practice every single day, and we don’t always get it right). What you will start to see is that this is a one day at a time approach, small changes that we can all make to our daily routines that add up to a new found ownership over your own life.

When we first started creating, we asked each other

‘What do we have that we can give to others?’

It was quite simply, our mistakes.

We are on a mission to teach women, with limiting beliefs to move past those road blocks that are stopping you be the best version of you that you can be. We have spent years trying, failing and ultimately learning and we want to help you fast forward to the person you were born to be.
Our mission is to equip women with the skills and knowledge they need to fully believe in themselves every single day, emerging from our covid cocoons stronger and more resilient than ever!

To launch our mission, we are offering 4 free places on our 1:1 coaching programme...that's right completely 100% FREE (no catches, we just want to help you!) You can sign up now and find out more information on just how we can help you here. Remember this is a time of discomfort, so why not take that chance, seize the opportunity and find some comfort in your new community with us!


We have so much to come and we cannot wait to share it with you, if you don't feel ready for coaching, you can join our mailing list to get a fortnightly newsletter with useful tips and tricks that you can use everyday to Love Your Damn Self!
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