I was a young and enthusiastic ‘ready-for-the-world’ 23-year-old, fresh out of uni with my 2.1 law degree. I was engaged and felt like I was unstoppable. I got married a few months after graduation and then…it all came crashing down. 
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My 3.5-year marriage was a complete nightmare and one that sucked all my zest for life.  I had no self-worth and became a shadow of the person I truly am, was mentally abused to believe I was always the problem, distanced from friends and family, had to ask permission to visit my mum and tried to commit suicide at one point. 

I’d often blank out that part of my life.  It’s only been recently (6 years later) and after a lot of personal development that I’ve appreciated the saving grace from that time of my life.  My passion for photography.  I didn’t see it then but I had been perfecting the foundation of what would become my life’s passion. 

During my marriage I taught myself how to photograph in-action shots on a borrowed manual camera – something not many people can do these days!  After I got divorced I bought my own camera and things have soared since then.  I’ve photographed fashion shows, film sets, BBC short series, portraits, created some amazing creative mad max styled shoots, even photographed abroad, been featured in articles, done lives and am creating a thriving business for myself.

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I’ve rediscovered my self-worth (something that I will never let go of again) and realised how much my childhood trauma of abandonment has a big role to play.  Fear of abandonment can cause people like me to neglect ourselves and try to prove we’re loveable, wanted, are enough.  As a result, we allow ourselves to be mistreated because we so want to be loved and are willing to settle for crumbs when really we deserve SO MUCH more!

I’m now walking in my values, knowing that my dreams, voice and opinions matters. That I matter. My advice to other women is:
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• Know you are enough, you always have been and always will be. 

• Challenge the societal and cultural expectations we’ve learnt as children because they don’t serve us well as adults
• Don’t be afraid to take risks as success is outside the comfort zone.

• Difficult times are there to elevate us – find out what the lesson to learn is.

• A key self-care tip is to make sure you spend time on yourself whether that’s a nap, a walk in the park, reading a book, listening to music or gym.  It’s important for your mental sanity (trust me!)

 

To kick off our Womens Wisdom guest blog series we have the wonderful Amy from South Wales! 
Here's what she has to say: 

My hair began to thin around the time of my 21st birthday. Thinking I was dying it too much and using heat such as straighteners etc. I thought nothing of it. But as the days went on more and more hair started to fall out, it went for little bits on my pillow to waking up to clumps. Within about 4 weeks i lost 90% of my hair, it happened all so quick and I didn’t really have any explanations, I was left confused with what was happening to me. I went to the doctors 3 or 4 times and each time I left with the same answer, you have 'alopecia' no one knows how it is caused or triggered and theres nothing we can do to help it grow back. It’s unpredictable. 
I felt lost. Looking in the mirror was such a hard task, I looked so different, I was bald. A bald GIRL. I couldn't get my head around it. I felt like a freak, I felt ashamed. I felt my life was over, how could I go about as I normally did? How could I achieve things with the way I felt? How could I afford human hair wigs? I felt like every door was closed for me and my anxiety and depression got in the way of almost everything. ​

I still have my down days, everyone does. But I feel completely different now, I have a fiancee who stuck with my through the whole transition, he kept me calm told me I was beautiful and kept me focused on the import things in life. He was such a big help. We have a beautiful daughter now who keeps me busy and makes me realise that there is more to life than hair. I feel more empowered that I am myself, I have helped loads of people by doing some work with BBC news on alopecia, working with BBC sesh doing some sketches about the perks of alopecia (bring a positive vibe to the subject). Loads of people have messaged me and I have been able to guide them in the right direction to products, help, advice pages etc. It’s almost like I was given alopecia to help others going through the same thing. Although I felt awful at first, I did adapt very quick, I didn’t really have a choice. I'm the type of person who tries to make the most out of every situation and count my blessings. I'm still alive, still breathing. I have a roof over my head and friends and family who love me. It could be worse right?
I faced so many challenges at first. From not going out for weeks because I couldn’t come to terms with what I looked like. Not being able to answer the door, not feeling confident enough to go swimming or the gym. Getting used to wearing a wig, doesn't seem like much but when its not your own hair it gets so annoying and can come out of place, it can also become really itchy and irritating. At the time of loosing my hair I was forced to take time of work as I worked with food and my hair was falling out every time I turned my head. That was a big challenge to give up work as I’ve always kept busy and liked earning my own income. It was challenging coming to terms with the fact I had no control over the situation. I like to be in control and know whats going on not having that, or any answers was so frustrating.