The 5 Self Love Languages
Updated: Feb 3
You may have heard about the love languages, 5 different ways of expressing and receiving love, but what about when you're not in a relationship? How can we give ourselves that love that we so desperately need, in the way that we need it?
First up, if you don’t know what your love language is do the official quiz find out:
Here then come back to this post. It should take 5 minutes tops.
Below is a snapshot of my results. As you can see Physical Touch is at the top meaning this is my Love Language. Yep, I am a lover of hugs (or cwtches as we call them in Wales)! When you get your results you will see down the left-hand side what percentage of each love language you are. It’s no surprise to me that quality time is 2nd for me, at 27%. I love time spent together no interruptions and I enjoy presence and just being with someone.
If you're wondering what they all mean I've listed them below for you. The official definition, my take on it, and then what you can do to nurture yourself, and give yourself the love you need depending on your main love language.
5 love languages definition - "This language isn't all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is physical touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgiving and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship."
In a relationship, you want to be close to your partner... so close you're nose to nose touching (if you're anything like me that is). You may reach out to touch their foot with yours under the table, lay your hand on their back when you're in bed and you love it when they play with your hair. Snuggles on the sofa are the best.
If this is your love language how do you give yourself the love that you deserve?
Physical Touch Self-love
- Cuddle up with a fluffy blanket or something that feels extra lush on your skin.
- Take a warm bath.
- Massage. Either book yourself in for one or grab some oil, light some candles and massage your own skin.
- Face masks and pampering.
- Learning to love your body.
- Yoga, especially yin yoga.
- Pretty much all the things that make your body feel good. Focus on your physical being.
5 love languages definition - "In the vernacular of quality time, nothing says, "I love you, "like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postpone dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities."
If this is your love language in a relationship you love quality time spent together, and I don't mean time spent food shopping and doing day to day things, I mean time carved out especially for the both of you. You want their uninterrupted, undivided attention. And lets face it, you deserve it.
If this is you how do you give yourself that love?
Quality Time Self-love
- Take time out to do the things you love.
- Spend time alone.
- Do you things that you love.
- Taking yourself on dates.
- Enjoy a sunset.
- Watch a meaningful movie you enjoy.
- Paint a picture.
- do some gardening or tend to your house plants.
- go into nature, maybe on a hike.
Acts of Service
5 love languages definition - "Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibility is weighing on an "acts of service "person will speak volumes. The word is he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts."
If this is you you'll like doing something for your partner that you know they would like and when they do the same for you. If this is you, you might like it when your partner makes you a cuppa, cooks you a meal or does something around the house for you that you may have been putting off. Anything to take a load off you and make your life easier.
If this is your love language you can do these to give yourself love...
Acts of Service Self-love
- Doing or arranging things for yourself that make you feel good.
- Acts of kindness (can you do something to help someone)
- Declutter and tidy up the place. - Keep a habit tracker (so you can see all the things you are doing for yourself)
- Donate money to charity.
Words Of Affirmation
5 love languages definition - "Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited comments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you" are important – hearing the reason behind that love sends your spirit skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving."
If this is you, you love positive words and phrases used to uplift you and you probably use them to uplift your partner too. "You have a beautiful soul" "You are kind" "You are so loved"
How can you use this knowledge to lift your self up?
Words Of Affirmation - Self-love
- Use your words to build yourself up.
- Positive self talk.
- Give yourself a peptalk and encourage yourself.
- Create some daily affirmations (and say them to yourself).
- Read some poetry.
5 love languages definition - "Don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly."
It doesn't have to be something expensive, little gifts show they are thinking about you and that they care. Any gift that has had some thought behind it lights you up.
Receiving Gifts Self-love
- Investing in yourself.
- Spend money on your hobbies.
- Buy yourself a little gift.
(Remember that experiences give you longer-term happiness than things)
- Buy yourself some flowers.
- Book a trip.
- Buy some craft supplies.
- Buy some comfy clothes or new gym gear.
How will you cater to your self-love needs now you know your love language?